The Relationship Vulture

The vulture is an unsightly bird. It lives off of the hard work of others, and benefits through the toll that nature takes upon its creations.I am such a creature as that.

I’m watching you do all the hard work. You’re saying all the right things. Your teeth are perfect. Your hair is perfect. You know the funniest stories. She loves to see you smile. She loves to hear you laugh. She loves YOU.

But, I’m watching you.

I know that sooner or later, you’re going to make a mistake. And when you do, I’m there.
The vulture is a patient bird. I am patient, as well. If I move too quickly, I’ll scare her away. If I move too slowly, another vulture will steal her from me before I can steal her from you. It’s all in the timing. It’s all in the delivery. It’s all in knowing WHEN.

You’ve been with her awhile now. You say “I love you” the same way you say “How’s it goin?” to a stranger you pass on the street. It’s automatic. It’s meaningless. Do you notice? She does. I promise you, she notices. She’s still hanging on your every word and movement, just like she was when you won her heart.

Yes, you ran the prey down, and you fed to your satisfaction, and now you’re tired. When you grow tired, you grow careless.

I have sat here watching and waiting, and I am very well rested. I am not careless. I am sharp. I’m waiting for my moment.

You used to hold the door for her, you used to send her little cards at work, “just because”. You’re too busy to do all that now. You’ve already done all that. Why should you keep doing that? Fine. Don’t.

I have never done those things. When I do them, it will be as if they’ve never been done before. It will all be new, just like you once were.

Did you make an effort to see her this week? Did you choose something else over her? Did you tell yourself she wouldn’t care? She shouldn’t care? Did you tell your friends, “Screw her if she can’t deal with it”? Did you think she would accept that she’s no longer the first thought in your mind?

That’s fine. You’re right. Do it your way. I support you. I’m on your side. She doesn’t own you. Be your own man. Show her who’s boss. And, while you do that, she’ll be the first thing on my mind.

I think now would be a good time to let her know I think of her.

You’ve taken your eyes away from the kill for just a second, and I have swooped in and stolen a tiny taste. Nothing filling. Certainly not a meal. Just a quick peck.

I have opened a door. She is in darkness with you. I am light. I am the light coming through the crack of the open door, the open door begging to be opened wider.

Were you thoughtless this week? Did you say the wrong thing? Did you correct it immediately? Did you decide to let her stew over it, and you’d address it when you’re good and ready?

That’s excellent. I commend your principles. Who is she to demand behavior from you? She probably misinterpreted what you said, or misunderstood the meaning. You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to her.

I stretch my wings, and wait. You’re growing more careless. Soon, all that you have will be mine.

I don’t have to be amazing. I don’t have to be beautiful. I don’t have to be anything, other than just slightly better than you.

You have to pay for dinner. I only have to pay attention.

You have to listen to her bitch about what you said. I only have to listen to her.

Do you listen to her? Or, do you simply hear her? Did you make an effort to change for her? Did you tell her to just accept who you are? You did? That’s wonderful. You’re doing great work here on my behalf.

Yes, she told me what you did. I don’t have to reinforce her opinion of you. I don’t have to guide her away from you.

She’s already drifting. I only have to listen. I only have to refrain from judging her, or her words.

In fact, it behooves me to stand up for you. I appear greater than you, because I make an appeal on your behalf, even though I ultimately side with her.

You’re of great help to me. I couldn’t do this without you.

You don’t realize that you’ve pushed her away, do you? Do you know that she calls me? I know you suspect, but at the same time you can’t really suspect.

You haven’t seen me in the distance, watching and waiting. Maybe you suspect that I’m out there, but you haven’t bothered to look and SEE that I am. Or maybe you just don’t see me for what I am.

Did you not spend her day off with her? She has so few, you know. Did you even try to spend time with her? You’re a very busy man. Why should you change your schedule to conform to hers? You’re far more important than she is.

Did you know you let her know that? Are you aware that she senses it? When she asks my opinion, I don’t have to give it. I can be silent, and let her fill in the blanks.

I’m taking her away from you.

Do you see the sweat on my brow? Do I appear to be working hard? If so, the illusion is complete. I have done nothing. I am merely here, merely waiting, merely being all of the things that you no longer are.

Do you know where she was the other night? You were supposed to call at 8, and you didn’t. She waited for you. At 9, she called me. I drove halfway across town to be with her. At a moment’s notice, I dropped what I was doing, because she needed me.

When was the last time you did that? We sat down and shared a drink at the place you used to take her. We reminisced about the way you used to be. We agreed that sometimes, people change.

I have not changed, though. I am as I was in the beginning.

She thinks of me when she’s with you, instead of thinking of you when she’s with me (as she once did).

She’s stopped using your name in our conversations. You’re just “old whats-his-name” now. Did you know that’s how women express an interest? By eliminating other males from the conversations, she’s letting me know that I’m more important than you.

The time is right for another taste. Your mistakes have made my meal much easier. Thank you, again.

My, didn’t it make you mad when you said “I love you” on the phone, and she didn’t reply? It’s almost as bad as when you tried to kiss her and she turned her face. What’s her problem? I think you should tell her to grow up again. She loves it when you cast aspersions against her maturity.

Oh, did I mention that I have never treated her as anything other than an equal? It’s just the way I am.

Do you wonder why she’s suddenly turned so cold to your touch? Is it perhaps she has found warmth elsewhere? If you accuse her, she’ll deny it. You won’t know the truth, because you were never good at seeing the obvious.

She tastes sweet when she kisses, doesn’t she? Do you remember? How long has it been?

Hell, you don’t need her.

Did you introduce her to someone as “your friend”? Are you ashamed of her? Are you afraid of what people would think of you, if they knew the truth? Again, you’re so much more important than her. She doesn’t understand. You should remind her that you’re more important, in case she’s forgetting.

Did you know that she is thinking of a way to break up with you?

You made the last of many mistakes, and I’m taking her away from you.

She’s mine now, for as long as I want.

She was yours, and now she is mine.

I did nothing more than wait for you to mess up. I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

I wont make the same mistakes as you. I never have. You are not me. Thankfully, I am not you.

You are a hunter. You will find others.

I am a vulture. If need be…I will find others, too.

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